It doesn’t take much to make me cry. Crying is my universal response to all sorts of feelings. I cry when I’m sad, I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m afraid, embarrassed, stressed, angry, tired, and so on. It’s nothing unusual for me to shed some tears, and I personally don’t have a problem with it.
The problem is that other people can’t handle it, especially in an Equestrian context. There is this stigma that “cowboys don’t cry”. Whenever I cry, there’s someone telling me to stop because it makes them uncomfortable (I guess). Or they keep asking me what’s wrong, assuming I’m crying to get attention and to be consoled.
But that’s not why I’m crying. I’m crying because I feel strongly and somehow these feelings need to get out of my system, otherwise I’d implode. So when I cry, I don’t want people to make a fuss about it. Ideally, I’d want them to ignore the fact that I’m crying because that way it will be over the quickest.
When I am allowed to just let these feelings, these tears out, then all will be over after a couple of minutes and I’ll be able to go on as if nothing happened. But when people either ask me to keep it in, or they make a big deal out of it, it’s going to be that much more violent when it happens.
I really wish people were less afraid of and less bothered by other people showing their emotions. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. Some people keep everything inside, and that’s fine, but people who are more emotional shouldn’t have to be ashamed because of it.